From “sky doc”
Once upon a time when suicide was grinding its hoofs to nails
to what extent are we the same
as our thoughts a theme park of my loudest
explosions as a kid I would wake up
convinced I had burned the house down
my mum bringing me back to earth
with a pebble on my cheek my dad
offering Starbursts could be so gentle
——
Once upon a time when suicide was a GP who told me
I was just overthinking everything
it’s funny how much damage
people are capable of the person
capable of the most damage
never said a thing like that to me
perhaps my dad most of all
understood where we came from
——
Once upon a time when suicide was a rational phobia
of nature trails and trying to explain
to uni friends that a tent can be a body
in the right light sometimes my dad
would fight other dads in the street
one holiday in Rome for example
by the time they were finished
neither dad had any shoes on
——
Once upon a time when suicide was the realisation
that being scared is caused mostly
by thinking on the topic of thought
keeping close to the walls suicide
assures me it has the perfect analogy
imagine your sister’s body snorkelling
outside of its life now keep imagining
whatever you do don’t forget
Notes:
From More Sky (Carcanet Press, 2023) by Joe Carrick-Varty. Reprinted with permission.
Source:
Poetry
(February 2023)
