In Search of the Miraculous
I won’t be the first to admit it
But I could be more discriminating
With mercy the sea a fever
Of emerald I stand and ask the wave
What I would any other emperor
How palindromic the kingdom
I never thought to name the cloud
Outside the tradition of storms
Piecemeal I am building a boat
Out of what parts of me want
To endure beyond the changing hue
Of elegy I must be some kind of boy
To meet the verdant apocalypse
So unadorned Everything about me a loud
Fuck it I’mma go out in ball shorts
I have been searching for the exit
To shame maybe but also simply my wrists
Since I learned to talk I have always sworn
There’s a seam to everything even loneliness
Even in Eden green translated to abandoned
How palindromic the kingdom of an eye
Vision always drowns the seen so why seek
Reflection before anything else The new world
Stays feelin itself At the end of everything
Who will manage my fade My hands will only
Ever meet each other again I lied earlier
I haven’t always wanted anything and yet
Here I am at the death of always and somehow
Its birth how palindromic the kingdom
Of always I am searching for the old world
In which I was miserable but I knew its name
Absolution is in my hands by virtue of succession
The lethargic green moan surrounds this self too
Each crest’s feeble music beyond beyond beyond
But I’m acting painfully human again an elegy
For what does not elegize an elegy for what struck first
Where are her bones now
Waves brief petals like the muscle tissue of a forest
I am mocked by another man’s Eden so long as I allow it
The green surges in and if she is gone how long before
She is merely a word that I loved From where I stand there is a seam
To everything but want This is my new always: searching
For how to forgive being the last of anything
Notes:
Audio version performed by the author.
Source:
Poetry
(November 2022)
